Dude Crafts

Welp, this is my first post in over a year, but it's time to talk about the one thing that unites all men:

MAKING THINGS.

What's more fun than shoving a mid-range speaker in a used coffee can? Shoving a mid-range speaker and a tweeter in a used coffee can.

Me and my roommates decided to install a busted old KLH speaker into this coffee can and I must say it turned out to be a pretty fun project. The back was pretty goofy looking but this thing sounded surprisingly good.

But, what I really don't understand is...

WHY DO DUDES PUT RANDOM CRAP TOGETHER?!

It's like a sixth sense or just some natural phenomenon, but it really is the most rewarding thing on the planet. There's nothing better than sitting in a semi-lit room with other like-minded males, shirtless and showerless, tools in-hand.

Has anyone ever seen a commercial of a tool being offered, and the tool was being directed at female consumers in the video?! Of course not. Why? Because men build things. Whether it be tinker toys or snowmen, we build things.

But, aside from the usual things like woodwork, what on earth drives men to build things like the coffee-cup speaker that we felt so inclined to make? Fortunately, I have the answer. Being a broke college student. Simply rid your personal bank account of any and all savings and you'll be surprised at the wondrous things your brain can conjure up for you to spend time on!

So now we have this cool new coffee cup speaker!

What the heck do we do with it?

Make something, it will brighten your day.

Classic Video Games, Oh the Wonders.

Anyone remember this stud muffin to the left? I have to say, the Nintendo Entertainment System looked like it was ran through a wood chipper, found and pieced back together by some generic grandparents, all the while being painted the color of their 15-year old Cocker Spaniel with a hair pigmentation disease. That thing was ugly as sin, but good riddance was it fun. I don't know how many Saturdays were spent curbstomping goombas, but it was too many to count.




And what about this little piece of childhood? The big brother to the NES, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System was a beast. Dominating its 8-bit younger brother, this 16-bit bad boy could display characters that consisted of not one giant, single-colored pixel, but two or three!

Ok, it wasn't that bad, I actually prefer older systems because they focused more on story and such than graphics and shiny things. Again, I dominated some Mario and other games on this joker, too. Actually, it was Mario AND Yoshi (Super Mario World, anyone?). Amazing.




...Where have games gone??




Don't get me wrong, I enjoy modern games with substance that were made well (Halo, Street Fighter IV), but there are so many CRAP games out there! Developers spend tons of money on the latest graphics and such, but the end product turns out to be a poorly executed project with very little depth! I would much rather play some old school Final Fantasy than even touch half of the "RPGs" or "FPS" games that are supposedly "Next-Gen."

Next-Gen my butt! I'll stick to playing my painted-with-colors-that-were-inspired-by-grandpa NES!

And another thing, what the heck is the issue with innovation?! The Wii is a sweet idea, but there are ZERO games that are even the LEAST bit fun! If you're going to have a new idea, one thing is necessary for it to work...

MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T SUCK.

Nah, I like the Wii. It really is creative. But, seriously, better games please.

Contra III, one of SNES's glory games; this game is a treasure. It's a prime candidate for the lackluster graphics of some of the original SNES games, but good gravy mavy was it fun. Two little pixelated dudes with massive weapons that no human could possibly carry, that ran through the streets of alien-invaded earth, blowing up crap. THAT is a fun multiplayer shoot-em-up, bang-bang-your-dead game. I still play it.

Mario. What the freakin' heck happened to you? First you were running on some brick floors to get to a castle where a hot, ditsy blonde chick was kidnapped for who-knows-what (we can only imagine) by a giant inbred turtle, now you're planet hopping? Super Mario Galaxy is fun, but since when could Mario breathe in space? And are his jumps really THAT ridiculous that he could hop from planet to planet (with little to no gravity)? And Bowser now captures Peach with an ENTIRE FLEET OF AIRSHIPS AND A FRICKIN' UFO?!

Come on champ, you're my favorite mustache-wielding, crime-fighting Italian plumber, but stick to planet earth (if that's where Mushroom Kingdom is), and leave your little star buddies at home. You're a little old for them, aren't you, bud? You must be going on 50 now, and Peach still looks like she's barely legal, yet she has been getting kidnapped for years and looks exactly the same. Maybe Bowser just wants whatever fountain of youth she's drinking out of, ya know? Leave the poor guy alone, because the girl is obviously an idiot. It's time to give it up, she's helpless and doomed to have little spike-backed, demon turtle babies. After the third frickin' game that became pretty apparent.

Back on track, if you want to experience REAL games, whip out the oldest TV you can find and plug up an NES or SNES.

Sweet rapture.

Trevor

Kids...Toys?

Ah the wonders of being a kid and driving those wonderful remote -controlled ca-----wait, is that kid driving that while lying on the floor? WAIT, is that a SHELF? IS THAT CAR DRIVING ON THE WALL?!?!

Your eyes haven't deceived you. This piece of spoiled-child property is the new Air Hogs Zero Gravity Micro Car. It drives not only on the floors, but on the freakin' walls. O, and the ceilings. Did I mention it drives on the walls? Actually, it will drive on basically any flat surface. Joy.

Anyways, it's amazing. I would play with this thing right now, much less when I was eight. I remember being happy to get a beast of a remote-controlled car for Christmas that had some fat tires on it and went pretty fast. But what kid would be happy with that when they have cars that ride on the frickin' walls?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for new technology. I'm just pissed that I didn't have this as a child. I'm pretty sure the technology in this little car is better than that used to record the entire Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album. It is controlled by the remote control via infrared light and it suctions itself to whatever it's on, assuming it's flat, with this little high-powered fan on it.

Oh, and it's only $30, and will last 10 MINUTES after a 30-minute charge.

That may not sound like a decent period of time, but my monster truck-esque beast of an R/C car that I received that one fateful Christmas, mentioned earlier, was like $200 if I remember correctly, and after like 8 years of charging, would run for a solid minute, outstanding. Just enough time to get it full speed at a blazing 8 mph or so and to crash it head-on into the nearest wall, ruining all hope of it ever looking as glorious as it did when it first came out of that cheap 90's box which us 90's Christmas attendees remember oh-so-well. Those wonderous days are gone forever.

Back on track, kids toys are ballin' nowadays. My niece and nephew (oldest in 6th grade) both have cell phones. Heck, I wouldn't even have anyone to call back then except the police to tell them my refrigerator was running and they needed to catch it.

BACK on track, I'm jealous. Very. Enjoy your wall-climbing pimp mobiles you little demons.

I'll stick to my silly puddy and the occasional slinky.

Trevor

Local Commercials, Stop Yelling at Me

Have you ever cut on your television and started to watch your favorite program, and as soon as you get comfortable the commercials start?

"No worries," you think to yourself, "just another commercial."

And then BAMMM a nuclear reaction takes place and the loudest noise ever conceived comes through your television, and it happens to be the voice of the man at the car dealership down the road!

Then what is supposed to be his fun-loving child becomes a crazed voice on the other end of the psycho tube you're watching, "LOOOWWEEEERRR DDADDDDYYY!!!!!" (you Dothan folks know what I mean by this one :p).

Anyways, the above picture is Norton Furniture store's commercial that is notorious for being the strangest late-night commercial ever made by a local business (there are a few others by Norton Furniture that are equally as strange, this is just a captured frame from one of them). The poor citizens of Cleveland, Ohio get to experience this natural hallucinogen on their TV without even popping in Pink Floyd's The Wall DVD (which, if that were mixed with Norton's commercial then I'm pretty sure the antichrist or some other form of apocalyptic creature would be birthed, and it would simply yell loudly while putting everyone under the influence of LSD's illegitimate stepchild drug).

Not to mention the quality of local commercials is comparable to that found in a terrible 60's horror movie. BUY SOME BETTER CAMERAS! Seriously, why spend money on a commercial when you can take one on your cell phone, email it to yourself, and send that masterpiece to your local broadcasting station.

Of course then the quality might be a bit too good and slightly unbearable for them, wouldn't want it to be something worthwhile!

Just thought I would give a shoutout to the ridiculously loud, crappy commercials that I see every day.

Buy a new camera and turn the frickin' volume down. Cheers.

Trevor